Look what I got from my guitar player..... the b@st#rd!

Q - Why don't bass players ever catch a cold?

A - Even a virus has some pride


Q - How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?

A - None, They let the keyboard player do it with his left hand


Q - How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?

A - One, but the guitarist has to show him first


Q - How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?

A - Six, one to change it, and the other five to fight off the lead guitarists who are hogging the light


Q - Did you hear about the time the bass player locked his keys in the car?

A - It took two hours to get the drummer out.


Q - What's the definition of a bass player?

A - Halfway between a drummer and a musician.


Q - Why do bands have bass players?

A - To translate for the drummer.


Q - How do you get a bass player off your doorstep?

A - Pay for the pizza.


Q - What's the difference between a Bassist and a rhino that's just eaten a tin of baked beans?

A - One's a huge useless thing that makes a deep farting noise and the other is a rhino.


Q - What's the difference between a bass player and a Duracell battery?

A - The Duracell battery has a good life.

:D great jokes Haz.

Q - How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?

A - Six, one to change it, and the other 5 talking about how Mark King would've done it !

What does a bass player use as contraception?

His personality!

:D

-what is the difference between two fretless bassist?

-Half-ton

How many good bass players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Only one. But good luck trying to find him.

What do you call a bass player with a beeper?
A. An optimist

What does a bass player say when he gets to his gig?
A. "Would you like fries with that?"

What's the definition of a gentleman?
A. Someone who knows how to play the bass and doesn't

How do you keep a bass player in suspense?

Did you hear about the bass player who was so bad that even the lead singer noticed?

A scientific expedition disembarks from its plane at the final outpost of civilization in the deepest Amazon rain forest. They immediately notice the ceaseless thrumming of native drums. As they venture further into the bush, the drums never stop, day or night, for weeks.

The lead scientist asks one of the natives about this, and the native's only reply is "Drums good. Drums never stop. Very BAD if drums stop."

The drumming continues, night and day, until one night, six weeks into the trip, when the jungle is suddenly silent. Immediately the natives run screaming from their huts, covering their ears. The scientists grab one boy and demand "What is it? The drums have stopped!"

The terror-stricken youth replies "Yes! Drums stop! VERY BAD!"

The scientists ask "Why? Why? What will happen?"

Wild-eyed, the boy responds,

" . . . BASS SOLO!!!" -

A couple, who's relationship was on the rocks, went to a marriage counselor who could not get them to discuss anything. The communication block was so heavy that nothing he suggested could make them open up and talk.

Finally after several sessions of non-communication, the counselor stands up, walks to the corner of the room and produces a bass guitar. He brings it to the couple, plugs it into a small practice amp and begins to play fervently. Gradually their barriers break down and they begin to discuss their problems and little things that always bothered them that they never felt encouraged to bring up before.

At the end of the session, they were smiling and laughing just like old times. They paid their bill and before leaving, the couple asked the counselor, "What did you do? How did that song help make everything work out?"

He answered simply, "Everybody talks during the bass solo."

Q- What's the difference between a bass guitarist and God?
A- God doesn't think he's a bass guitarist.

Q- How do you get a bass player to stop playing?
A- Put a sheet of music in front of him.

Q- What do a vacuum cleaner and an bass guitar have in common?
A- Both suck when you plug them in.

Q- How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
A- None--they just steal somebody else's light.

Q: What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
A: A Bass Player.

Q: What are the three most difficult years in a bass player's life?
A: Second grade.

Q: What's the difference between a bass player and a mutual fund?
A: One matures.

Q: How do you know when the stage is level?
A: When the bass player is drooling out of both sides of his mouth.

Q: How do you make a bassist's eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in his ear.

Q: What did the bass player get on his IQ test?
A: Drool.

Bloke walks into a shop. He says hello to the shopkeeper and says:

"Err, cod and chips twice, two fishcakes, a large portion of chips and a pickled egg please".

The shopkeeper says, "you're a bass player aren't you?"

The bloke says "thats amazing, how do you know that?"

Shopkeeper says "this is a motorcycle dealership"

hehehe!

TODD STOP IT ! :@

I peed in my pants to laugh so much ! :D

Ha ha ha! It seems you have both 1397 basses and bass player jokes.....:D

Two wolves standing at the peak of a hill, the young wolf says "Let's run down and get a couple of those sheep"
Older wolf says "nah, lets walk down and get'em all"