Even worse bass player jokes
Last updated on 16 years ago
Late one day a local pub saw six guys walk in, obviously in pairs of two, sit down and order their favourite after-work drinks.
The first two to seat themselves and be served by the bartender were two guys working at a major university whose I.Q’s were so high they could hardly be measured! They began discussing from Quantum Mechanics to the fine points of Particle Physics, either one as brilliantly as the other.
The bartender then went over to the next pair who were "regular guys" with ordinary jobs, with average I.Q’s, schmoozing about how hard it was today to keep up with bill payments, how high taxes were, how corrupt politicians were and all the day-to-day struggles most everyone has.
The last two the bartender served were two very badly educated, ill-mannered dolts with very low I.Q’s that could barely be measured on any I.Q. test. As soon as they'd ordered the bartender overheard one say to the other, "Oh, hey, I meant to ask ya, d'you use flatwound or roundwound on your bass?"
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A guitar player comes to the doctor and complains about a serious deterioration of his memory. He especially has a hard time remembering correct changes and is afraid to lose all his gigs. Since the doctor can't find the cause, he asks the guitarist to leave behind his brain for a week in his lab for more detailed examinations. After seven days the guitar player fails to show up, and even after 2 more weeks there's no sign of him. Finally the doctor runs into him on the street, grabs him and asks: "Excuse me, but your brain is still waiting for you to stop by and pick it up, so why don't you show up?" The guitarist says, "Well, I think you can keep it; I finally switched to bass..."
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A man gives his son an electric bass for his 15th birthday, along with a coupon for four bass lessons. When the son returns from his first lesson, the father asks, "So, what did you learn?"
"Well, I learned the first five notes on the E string." Next week, after the second lesson, the father again asks about the progress, and the son replies, "This time I learned the first five notes on the A string." One week later, the son comes home far later than expected, smelling of cigarettes and beer. So the father asks: "Hey, what happened in today's lesson?" "Dad, I'm sorry I couldn't make it to my lesson; I had a gig!"
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A tour manager comes across the guitarist and bass player fighting at the side of the stage and pulls them apart asking what the problem was. "That bastard detuned one of the strings on my bass", says the bass player, "And we're on stage in five minutes." "So what's the problem?", asks the tour manager. "He won't tell me which string it was he detuned", said the Bassist.
The first two to seat themselves and be served by the bartender were two guys working at a major university whose I.Q’s were so high they could hardly be measured! They began discussing from Quantum Mechanics to the fine points of Particle Physics, either one as brilliantly as the other.
The bartender then went over to the next pair who were "regular guys" with ordinary jobs, with average I.Q’s, schmoozing about how hard it was today to keep up with bill payments, how high taxes were, how corrupt politicians were and all the day-to-day struggles most everyone has.
The last two the bartender served were two very badly educated, ill-mannered dolts with very low I.Q’s that could barely be measured on any I.Q. test. As soon as they'd ordered the bartender overheard one say to the other, "Oh, hey, I meant to ask ya, d'you use flatwound or roundwound on your bass?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A guitar player comes to the doctor and complains about a serious deterioration of his memory. He especially has a hard time remembering correct changes and is afraid to lose all his gigs. Since the doctor can't find the cause, he asks the guitarist to leave behind his brain for a week in his lab for more detailed examinations. After seven days the guitar player fails to show up, and even after 2 more weeks there's no sign of him. Finally the doctor runs into him on the street, grabs him and asks: "Excuse me, but your brain is still waiting for you to stop by and pick it up, so why don't you show up?" The guitarist says, "Well, I think you can keep it; I finally switched to bass..."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man gives his son an electric bass for his 15th birthday, along with a coupon for four bass lessons. When the son returns from his first lesson, the father asks, "So, what did you learn?"
"Well, I learned the first five notes on the E string." Next week, after the second lesson, the father again asks about the progress, and the son replies, "This time I learned the first five notes on the A string." One week later, the son comes home far later than expected, smelling of cigarettes and beer. So the father asks: "Hey, what happened in today's lesson?" "Dad, I'm sorry I couldn't make it to my lesson; I had a gig!"
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A tour manager comes across the guitarist and bass player fighting at the side of the stage and pulls them apart asking what the problem was. "That bastard detuned one of the strings on my bass", says the bass player, "And we're on stage in five minutes." "So what's the problem?", asks the tour manager. "He won't tell me which string it was he detuned", said the Bassist.
rgds, Harry AKA Sarcastic Bastard
My gear:
'07 Status S2 5
'96 Status Energy 5
'08 Status Smartbass 5
'06 Status/Musicman Stingray 5
Genz Benz Shuttle 6.0 Amp
Genz Benz Neo X 212T
My gear:
'07 Status S2 5
'96 Status Energy 5
'08 Status Smartbass 5
'06 Status/Musicman Stingray 5
Genz Benz Shuttle 6.0 Amp
Genz Benz Neo X 212T
Quote
hazb74 wrote:
A man gives his son an electric bass for his 15th birthday, along with a coupon for four bass lessons. When the son returns from his first lesson, the father asks, "So, what did you learn?"
"Well, I learned the first five notes on the E string." Next week, after the second lesson, the father again asks about the progress, and the son replies, "This time I learned the first five notes on the A string." One week later, the son comes home far later than expected, smelling of cigarettes and beer. So the father asks: "Hey, what happened in today's lesson?" "Dad, I'm sorry I couldn't make it to my lesson; I had a gig!"
My favorite !! Keep them coming guys !!
Okay then, some more...... slagging off musicians is apprantly the in thing to do on the web.
Q: What's the difference between a short-scale and a long-scale bass?
A: It only takes you half as long to burn a short-scale....
Q: How do you know when there's a drummer at the door?
A: His timing is terrible and he never knows when to come in!
Q: How do you know when the drum riser is level?
A: The drummer is dribbling out of both sides of his mouth
Q: How many bluegrass players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They won't touch anything electric.
Q: How do you make a bass players car more aerodynamic?
A: Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof.
Q: What's the difference between a bull and an orchestra?
A: The bull has the horns in front and the ass in the back.
Q: What do you call a person who hangs out with musicians?
A: A drummer.
Q: What is the first sign you're Halluncinating?
A: Two electric guitar players are playing in tune.
Q: What do you call in "in-tune electric guitar"?
A: An oxymoron.
Q: What do you call a "Clean Shot"?
A: When you can throw an electric guitar into the toilet without hitting the seat.
And now the finale:
Q: What's the difference between a bass player and very young cheese?
A: The cheese will eventually mature and be worth something.
O, dear......
Q: What's the difference between a short-scale and a long-scale bass?
A: It only takes you half as long to burn a short-scale....
Q: How do you know when there's a drummer at the door?
A: His timing is terrible and he never knows when to come in!
Q: How do you know when the drum riser is level?
A: The drummer is dribbling out of both sides of his mouth
Q: How many bluegrass players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They won't touch anything electric.
Q: How do you make a bass players car more aerodynamic?
A: Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof.
Q: What's the difference between a bull and an orchestra?
A: The bull has the horns in front and the ass in the back.
Q: What do you call a person who hangs out with musicians?
A: A drummer.
Q: What is the first sign you're Halluncinating?
A: Two electric guitar players are playing in tune.
Q: What do you call in "in-tune electric guitar"?
A: An oxymoron.
Q: What do you call a "Clean Shot"?
A: When you can throw an electric guitar into the toilet without hitting the seat.
And now the finale:
Q: What's the difference between a bass player and very young cheese?
A: The cheese will eventually mature and be worth something.
O, dear......
rgds, Harry AKA Sarcastic Bastard
My gear:
'07 Status S2 5
'96 Status Energy 5
'08 Status Smartbass 5
'06 Status/Musicman Stingray 5
Genz Benz Shuttle 6.0 Amp
Genz Benz Neo X 212T
My gear:
'07 Status S2 5
'96 Status Energy 5
'08 Status Smartbass 5
'06 Status/Musicman Stingray 5
Genz Benz Shuttle 6.0 Amp
Genz Benz Neo X 212T
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